So. Cameron and I have new territory that we must cross together. We have to get, and furnish, an apartment together. Talk about an, "Oh holy crow I am married!!!" moment. Now for the challenge. Cameron lives in San Diego and I live in Seattle, WA. Whaaaaaa?! Cameron and I married about a month before he deployed out for nearly a year. Guess who didn't move to San Diego to be alone for the next year? Yep, this girl right here(which my sweet hubby totally encouraged might I add). Well now my sweetie is coming home here somewhat soonish, and I have to get an apartment in San Diego... while I'm still going to school and living my life up here in Seattle. Yep. Guess who's now a long distance apartment hunter? This girl right here! And I'm still in school and working 20 hours a week :D I live a charmed life haha.
At the moment I'm living at home with my parents, because let's face it, I'm hardly ever home so it seems really silly to pay for an apartment when I'll hardly ever be in it. Before Cameron went into the Navy he was living with his dad(who lives like ten minutes away from me... crazy!) so neither one of us has much in the way of housewares. I now have to find, and furnish an entire apartment in another state while going to school and working and trying to communicate with my husband while he's somewhere on the other side of the world-ish. God help me I could just cry.
Luckily for me, though, I have an amazing husband who is just the best person I could ever ask for when it comes to being my teammate in this world, and he has been just the greatest blessing throughout this whole process. After over a year and a half of long distance we've gotten communication down pretty well, and this has certainly tested how well we are able to communicate with each other, and we've done a pretty darn good job if I do say so myself. So without further adieu, here is my guide to navigating the transition back home with your active duty military spouse.
First things first, if you don't know how this all works, the military is pretty straight forward in the housing department. They either give you a place to stay or they give you money so you can have a place to stay. That's pretty much the jist of it. Since Cameron and I are married we're given a Basic Housing Allowing(typically referred to as BAH) which is money for us to get a place to stay. Before we got married Cameron was living in the barracks, but since we have BAH and I can't stay in the barracks with him we're now looking at getting a place to stay.
This is where it gets a little tricky. So you can either look into civilian housing or you can look into military housing which can be on or off base depending on where you go. Now the one downside to military housing is that they'll take all of your BAH in most cases. There are a select few communities that don't, but almost all of them(at least in San Diego anyway) do. Civilian housing is just getting a typical apartment wherever you'd like. Personally, Cameron and I have decided to go with this option simply because it's going to be just the two of us, and when we can get an apartment for less than our BAH and have that extra money to spend on other living expenses it makes more sense for us to do that. If you have a family and need more space military housing is a great opportunity to get a good sized living space for a good deal. It really just depends on what you need for your specific situation, but from my experience that seems to be how this whole thing works.
So then comes all the moving stuff. Whee. First things first would be to scout around for sales on furniture. I've made friends with a couple gals in the furniture department at the retailer where I work, and it has served me well as I now know about an awesome deal coming up in the first part of March where I can get pretty much all the large furniture that I need(bed frame, mattress/box spring, dining room table and chairs, and couch) for about $3500 and have 36 month interest free financing to be able to pay that off if I get the store credit card which also gives me $100 in rewards with my purchase that I can then use elsewhere in the store for other housewares :D Can you say score?! :) Hello, cheap Calphalon pan set :D
Second, would be to actually scout out apartments. Talk to your spouse about what you both want in an apartment. What area would you like to live in? How much do you want to spend on rent? Are there any amenities you want? What about square footage? What's the absolute max you're willing to spend on rent? When do you want to move in? I've actually sent my husband links to apartment listings and told him, "here's what I like. Take a look, and tell me what you think. If we both like it I'll go check it out". So far he hasn't really responded, but he's working on it which I appreciate :) Also, take someone with you when you go to look at places. Chances are most spouses are women(although I have a friend who's a military husband so no judgment) and women typically aren't taken very seriously, unfortunately(I know from experience). For example, my daddy's going with me to San Diego over a weekend to scout things out and help me figure out what I like and what I don't and help be my muscle so to speak. You can take a parent, a good friend, whoever you'd like. Remember there's power in numbers, and it also helps to have second person there so you don't feel so lonely and overwhelmed whilst shopping around.
Lastly, coordinate with your spouse when you want to move in. Do you want to wait until they're there or do you want to just do it yourself? Who's name is going on the lease? Will you need a power of attorney to sign for them on said lease? How does the rental office feel about working and being flexible with a military couple? Would they be okay if you had to potentially change the move in date due to new information?
These are just some of the things to think about and to talk to your spouse or significant other about. It's a challenge when you can't talk specifics, but you can make it work. You can talk about x number of days from a point only you know: 10 days after Suzy's birthday or 12 days before our anniversary or 3 days after that time I accidentally flung that hot dog at you or something like that. Think of it as using a reference point only you know and that no one else does. It's a challenge figuring out anything to do with coming home from deployment when you don't have specifics to hang your hat on, but you can do it. Thousands of couples have done this before you and made it work. Hopefully that is at least somewhat comforting in showing that it is in fact possible :)
If anyone has questions on how to navigate homecoming please feel free to leave a comment or fill out the contact sheet or email me! I'd be happy to do what I can to help! :)
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