Wedding Planning Blues

Hola!

So today I've been really sad for most of the day. Part of this I think is because it's very warm here in Washington today for the first time all year(we were up in the mid 70's to low 80's which is nuts for late April), and the other part is that I've been tired all day. But I think the biggest thing has been that I've really been missing Cameron today. Planning a wedding is supposed to be fun, and for the most part it has been(our cake topper gets here tomorrow and I am ridiculously excited about it. It's a Willow Tree cake topper and we both absolutely love it), but pretty soon Cameron will be on underway for five weeks and when he's gone it will be just me to handle all the planning. We've done all the planning together thus far, and doing it on my own and not having Cameron to call or text when I get things done and tell him what's going on is going to be really tough.

Another tough part of this is the fact that we both really are lacking the ability to pay for everything right now. Like coming up with a thousand dollars is a challenge, and truthfully we only need about another $1500 to book the important things for our wedding, and then we should be able to cash-flow everything else(like decorations which besides a photographer and equipment to rent out is the only thing that we have left to pay for), but for now we can't come up with that money. We're looking into options that we have to help make everything work, but as of right now it's not working out and that's incredibly depressing. The final blow came today as we found out that the loan we had requested with the bank to pay for our honeymoon was denied. We had hoped to have me come down to San Diego for a month to spend time with Cameron before he had to go on deployment, but as of right now that just isn't an option because we can't pay for it. I don't have the $4500 that we need to pay for a house to rent down there unless I decide to completely empty my savings account, and I can't do that. So. Yeah. Wedding planning has not been at all what I thought it would be. I knew there would be stress, and I knew that there would be problems. I never expected smooth sailing. I just didn't think the road would be this rocky. All I want to do is have a small, intimate wedding with my fiance and get to spend some good quality time with him before he leaves for a year. That's all that I wanted. And now everything is in limbo, and it's a terrible place to be in. Lord I hope that we will be able to make everything work soon. Please. I just want it to work.